I forgot ALL OF THIS.
I was just going through 50million unmarked folders on my drive, looking for an image for work, and found these pictures from an old sketchbook.. i'm now realisin the book was a kinda diary.
its amazing to me right now, that none of the things i was thinking about then as like.. the most important shit in the world are any of the things i'm thinking about now. i forgot everything. and got new 'things'. its like a different person completely and these are only from a year and a half ago. I dont even draw anymore... and i never decided and i barely realised.
Life is so fuckin crazy dread.
A couple years from now, I'll probably forget all the things that are happening now.
1 comment:
It's August 2022, 12 years later, and I'm living in another country with my wife & son & looking at this old blog and amazed at how much of this life I forgot. I keep thinking I've lived forever and if you live forever you should expect to forget a lot. Forever is a lot to remember. Amazingly, there are so many references on this blog to nostalgia, youth, forgetting, changing... and here I am over a decade later having these same feelings and thinking they're new, but they're not. When you live forever and forget most of it pictures, records & documents hit extra hard. I've been so many different people over these years. Radically different people. Now I'm something like somebody I was before, but wiser. There's a song by Vampire Weekend called "Step" and one of the lyrics is "Wisdom's a gift but you trade it for youth". That resonates with me completely. I like these people I was when I was writing this blog. I like who I am now too, more I think, but I still miss these old people. Somebody said that life can really only be grasped through the lens of hindsight. What movie was that? I guess there's always a blindspot. I try to remember how bveautiful I am.. I kept realising how beautiful I used to be but that seemed to be the case for so long that it finally occured to me that I'm always beautiful but I only notice it when I look back. I love my mind, my imagination, my body, everything. I really love myself. I didn't know to look forward to that. Now that it's true it colours everything, changes everything. I could probably talk forever about time and change. I'm in this nostalgic mood hahhahahah. I'll be nostalgic for this time too, 12 or 20 or 50 or 2 years from now. But I'll know I was conscious enough, self-aware enough, blindspots aside, to have been satisfactorily present, occupying the present, at this time. Lovely. Ok young Rodell. Love you. Talk to you later. Wonder if Ayo will ever find this blog? Hi baby :]
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